Leah Lair Conner
Never Give Up
As 2020 winds it way down to a close, so many of us are taking some time to reflect on the year. And it has been a doozy, for sure! I think back over my year, personally, remembering how at the end of 2019, and for the first few weeks of 2020, I was just sure that 2020 would be MY YEAR, in so many ways. The year started out pretty much that way...going the direction I hoped it would, really. Then came February/March, and our beautiful universe started to show us just how little control we truly have, and just how comfortable and complacent we can become with day-to-day living. Wow. A global pandemic can sure shake things up!
What if, though, we all take a look at the positive pieces of this year? Sure, there has been a tremendous amount of loss and just plain mental anguish. There has been sickness, so much unbelievable sickness, and it honestly feels like my own battle with COVID-19, back in May - July, was years ago. But, let's see some good, and let's remember our dreams.
Personal story time... From the time I was a little girl, I knew that "when I grew up," I wanted to be a helper, a healer. It started with dreams of being a veterinarian, followed by wanting to be a cardiac surgeon, then a psychologist. I went off to college and got a degree, and really, then, I just wanted to be free and making my own life, so dreams just sort of paused. Fast-forward to marriage and children, which had also always been a huge part of my dream, and giving myself fully to the gift of being at home with my husband and my littles, realizing that in those years, I was expressing the ultimate helper and healer roles for my most treasured blessings...living my dream, as it presented in those years.
As our children got older and needed me less (loving and still needing my own parents as I do, I know they'll never entirely NOT need me!), I started to feel a bit empty. I felt a bit like I had more time on my hands, but no knowledge of what to do with it; feeling like I was pouring into life from an empty cup, not sure where the emptiness came from. I needed to remember my dreams. MY dreams. Not just the pieces of the dream that were filled by others, but my own personal mission...what made me tick. This had been a nagging tickle in my soul for a couple of years, but the complete shift brought by 2020 ushered in an undeniable urge to focus inward, and DREAM again. Sadly, in my forties, I had already decided that my life was complete, and now, to just live it out. Happy and content, absolutely, but also, somehow, lacking.
Being able to spend MORE time with my growing, blooming children, and having lots of time to just meditate and get to know my individual self better, while also growing through the most challenging year in my marriage, I am now actively dreaming again, and actively realizing "what I want to be when I grow up." This year, this beautifully, brutal year, birthed Starseed Lair, which is an evolving business whose mission is, without question, to help and heal others on their paths to total wellness. I am dreaming into my place, here, for my time on this planet, and it is just a wonderful, liberating experience.
At the end of this year, I am now feeling young and hopeful and full of dreams for the future. I know that being 47 is truly just a number, and that it holds no bearing or limit on my purpose, my mission, my dream of being a helper and a healer. This has been a year of growth (sometimes painful, yes), knowledge, letting go, grabbing hold, believing, and ultimately, LOVING.
I hope that as this year comes to its physical end, you can all find something beautiful that's come from it, knowing that moving into 2021 is just a formality of turning a calendar page. My hope is that (at least eventually) we can all see 2020 as just another year, and not the WORST year, because that's really only a frame of reference or worth that we assign, with our minds. It doesn't have to be another damning truth to somehow work our way out of in the not-distant future, when all the year's traumas rear their heads and cause us pain. Even better, my hope is that we can all recognize 2020 as the year we learned together, evolved together, dreamed together, and yes, ultimately, loved together.
Time is always passing. We can decide, though, how we want to pass it. I'm choosing now, and always, to dream. And to love. Always, to love.